


Things Left Unsaid

by SkatesOnCrack (ClaireOShea)



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Confession, Letters, M/M, POV First Person, Probably ooc, basically a vent fic, implied yuzuvier, knife shoes appreciation society, spur of the moment idea based on a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 15:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15222671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireOShea/pseuds/SkatesOnCrack
Summary: A series of letters, compiling things left unsaid.





	1. Letter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was very spur of the moment, based on the song 'Hiro' by amazarashi. Also used as a vehicle to vent some thoughts of mine. 
> 
> Fic is unbeta'd but no glaring grammatical mistakes. Quality is debatable, read at your own risk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought I had my world all figured out, but then you died and it came crashing down. I’m trying to rebuild now, and it’s going okay, but I doubt my world will ever be normal again and will absolutely never be the same as it was when you were in it.

Dear Javi,

I messed up during my short program today, like, really badly. I started 3 seconds late so got points removed for that, fell on a couple combination jumps, and popped my quad sal. I finished out of the top three, which feels like hasn’t happened for awhile. 

It’s skates like this that make me feel that maybe I’ve lost it, my glory days are over and I’m just dragging out the inevitable end, but then I remember you weren’t allowed a good end and that you can’t skate anymore. Now I skate for the both of us, to give us both a good end. 

My quad sal’s been off for a long time now, and image training doesn’t seem to really help. Watching slowed down videos of ones I’ve done before hasn’t helped me. I even watched some videos of yours, since your quad sal was the reason why I moved to Toronto to train under Brian, but that doesn’t work either. If only I could see you land it again in person, that might help me get the jump back and consistent, but that’s something that won’t be able to happen. 

I remember back when I was trying to learn it and land it well, you’d show yours to me whenever you could to help. I know I’ve thanked you for it, but I don’t know if I made how thankful I was for it known. When I first moved to Toronto, I thought we were going to end up in a rivalry of some kind, like how Plushenko and Yagudin were when they competed, but you were almost too kind for that to happen. You didn’t ignore me and just focus on yourself, you were kind and tried to help me.

Also, did I ever thank you for being there for me? From helping me get used to the change of training, to trying to cheer me up when I was feeling sad, and letting me ramble in your ear when I just needed to dump out the thoughts running in my head. I guess that’s what I’m using these letters for now. It was nice being able to talk to someone who was in a place similar to me, both of us having moved to a country where we weren’t very familiar with the major language. You ended up knowing English better than I did though. While I’m getting better with speaking it, I’m still not as good as you were. 

It’s been a year since you’ve passed, but it feels like it could have been yesterday when we were practicing together back at the Cricket Club, laughing and fooling around, Brian trying to get us back to being serious with our training. We’d compare our quads and I’d try to help you with your hydroblade only for you to slip and end up on your face. It feels like it was just yesterday when you were still here. 

It’s weird when someone you know dies. It feels like the end of the world, but it keeps on turning without them, like it didn’t even matter that you were there. It’s still the end of a world though, the worlds of the people that built it to include that person and things are never the same when they leave it. Then things have to be rebuilt, then they go back to being normal, but things will never be the same. I thought I had my world all figured out, but then you died and it came crashing down. I’m trying to rebuild now, and it’s going okay, but I doubt my world will ever be normal again and will absolutely never be the same as it was when you were in it. 

From-  
Yuzu


	2. Letter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t realize how much I’d miss sharing the podium with you until it wasn’t possible anymore

Dear Javi,

I managed to recover from my terrible short program and get gold at this comp, something I thought might not be possible but surprisingly happened. Even with a terrible practice session, where I popped or fell on all my jumps, I landed all my jumps during the program, which is really what matters, so that helped. It felt strange not being on the podium with you though, or at the very least you not even having a chance to prove yourself and possibly be rewarded with a medal. 

I didn’t realize how much I’d miss sharing the podium with you until it wasn’t possible anymore, file under the category of ‘you don’t know what you have until it’s gone’. Smiling together for photos for fans and the news, you tickling me to get me to grin for the camera, a tradition you started at Finlandia in 2012 and kept until the end at Pyeongchang Olympics, where you got the bronze medal you barely lost out on in Sochi. When I cried not because I kept my Olympic Champion title and became the first male skater to win two back to back golds in 66 years, but because you finally got that medal you’d been pining for for years. 

Looking back, I was a bit of a bad person for pushing you away every time you did well at a competition and I did, well, not as well as I wanted to. I kind of took you for granted, knowing that you knew how I was and that things would be okay after I got over it, that you would still be around, that was until you weren’t anymore. I’m sorry for that.

When I first got the news about what had come of you, something Brian and Tracy were reluctant to tell me for awhile but said eventually, knowing I’d find out sooner or later myself, I froze, having a hard time processing it. There was no way you could be gone, you were too young to die; 27 with so much life ahead of you. Your time was cut far too short and whatever deity it was that decided to take you I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive. There were so many things that I’d been meaning to tell you, but would never get the chance to. 

I never got to properly thank you for everything you did for me, or apologize for treating you as badly as I did sometimes when I was really just mad at myself. I never got to tell you how infectious your smile was and how I couldn’t help but smile along with you or how your laughs warmed my heart. I didn’t get to say I felt about you, not realizing exactly what it was until it was too late. I never got to tell you I loved you...


End file.
